12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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