but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
