I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
