It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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