mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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