I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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