I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
