I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
