They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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