I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
