If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
