I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
