it hurts more in the daytime
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
