we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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