can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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