Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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