My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
