i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
