I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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