im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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