she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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