blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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