I CAN MOONWALK!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
