there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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