Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
