There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
