Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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