i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm drive I can fine osifer
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
