life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
