Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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