i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
