Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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