What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
