I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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