I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
