One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
