you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
