dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
