He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
