I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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