oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
