he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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