I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
