i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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