I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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