Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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