im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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