I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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