i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
