..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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